The coffee addiction cycle

It all started in high school. I started drinking in high school because it made me feel more alive, more energetic, more “me.” I just needed a little boost now and then. My friends were doing it too. Pretty soon, I found that I didn’t feel right without it. I started waking up feeling a little shaky in the morning, not wanting to talk to anyone til I had my fix. I told myself every day that just one would be enough, but I rarely could stop at one. I tried to quit, many, many times. The withdrawal was unbearable, but I’ve made it six months at a time for a few stretches. Seeing other people enjoying it without consequences fills me with longing.

IMG_7369It sounds like alcohol, but I’m talking about coffee. One of my friends in high school gave me this mug, which I still use to this day. I am not only physically hooked, but psychologically too. I definitely believe that coffee = success.

All these years later, I’m still caught in the coffee addiction cycle.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

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Week one: I’ll just drink one cup a day. I hide my coffee maker in storage, and I use a tiny little eight ounce mug and I will only have one. If I’m craving more, there’s always decaf in the background (haha).                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    IMG_7370

A week or two later: It’s a really tough day and there’s a lot to get done at work. I’ll just have one or two cups of the sludge that comes out of our industrial coffee maker. I know my stomach will start hurting very soon, but the rush of energy is worth it. I ignore my fast-beating heart and the lightheadedness.

A few hours later: I hit rock bottom (again). My stomach is hurting unbearably, my left eyelid is twitching constantly, and it feels like my heart is fluttering instead of beating. Time to quit.

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Day 1: It’s green tea all the way for me, baby! Notice the giant mug to make up for less than half the caffeine. I nurse a constant stream of tea and the first day is pretty good. No headaches! I don’t even miss coffee! I can do this!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Day 2: UGH. Just one cup of coffee….

If you enjoy reading my blog, please check out my first novel, Giving Myself Away, about a divorced mom making tough choices and a fresh start.

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Sexy texty and the single mom

Adriennes blog 8 oreosHi, I’m Adrienne.  The last time I was single, there was no such thing as sexting.  I doubt anyone would care if shown evidence that I have dirty thoughts, but I can’t help but mistrust men who want to get right down to business.  I sense potential blackmail in my future.

I have a problem with Oreos and pretty much everything else made primarily of carbs, so when I’m feeling virtuous, I keep an online food diary.  Since we dieters need support, you can meet other people crazy enough to keep journals of everything they eat.

I never thought of this as a place to meet guys, but boy, you better be careful of what picture you post in your profile.  Workout clothes are apparently quite the turn-on these days because a lot of guys on this site want to be “friends.”  The first time I got a friend request from a man, I figured the guy was on this site for the same reason I was, which is trying to lose those last ten pounds (okay, fifteen).

However, it got weird when my new diet buddy started asking me more personal questions, like, “If you could sleep with any actor, who would it be?”  Wow, to be honest, I had never even considered that because the possibility of sleeping with any actor was not on my radar.  I tried to be nice about it until he asked me whether I fantasized about him… uh, I don’t even know you, so… NO.

Then he proceeded to say a few explicit things to me involving parts of his body and mine.  I was kind of flattered, because let’s be honest, no one had talked to me like that in a looong time, but on the other hand, I was a bit alarmed.  At this point, I was really glad he didn’t know where I live.

Am I that out of it after being married for so long?

I stopped talking to that guy because he seemed too aggressive and even though he was older, it made me feel old to be so put off by sexy talk.  He didn’t even bother to ask my name before he got to the nitty gritty.

But because of him, I realized that texting men who live far away has its advantages and I began to be more open-minded.  I realized this was a safer re-entry into the world of dating than actual dates, both physically and emotionally.

Plus I have two kids at home and I don’t have to arrange babysitters or explain why I’m going out for dinner with a man who is not their father.  The only explaining I have to do is why I occasionally have a goofy smirk on my face for seemingly no reason.

Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship, but writing suggestive texts to a guy makes me feel like I’m still a woman with some charms.  You can read all about how I got dropped back into the dating pool in Giving Myself Away, being released next month.  Thanks for reading, and please share your thoughts on sexting.

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