Hi, I’m Adrienne. If you enjoyed reading about my life in Giving Myself Away, maybe you’d like to help me cast the actors and actresses who would play me and the other main characters of my life in a movie version.
I didn’t describe my appearance too thoroughly because I’m pretty hopeless about looking pulled together. I told you I have frizzy hair and I get fat when I’m pregnant. I’m tall and sometimes awkward. I think anyone you pick would have to play down their Hollywood side to portray me accurately.
How about my ex-husband, Drew? He’s about my height, but is blessed with a much better metabolism. He has short, curly brown hair. If he were an animal, he’d be some kind of a terrier – alert, energetic, sometimes annoyingly distractible.
I’ve probably described Drew’s paramour, Amy, the most because I found myself comparing myself to her. She’s petite and adorable and it does not seem possible that she could be a mother of three. She wears tight yoga pants and doesn’t look lumpy in them… totally unfair. She’s as chipper as Drew and probably a better match for him than I ever was.
And then there’s George, a big part of the reason I have a story to tell. He makes me look like a fashion star because his wardrobe consists of worn-out athletic gear alternating with black suits. There’s nothing in between for George: he’s either working a funeral or slobbing it. As goofy as he can be, I certainly wouldn’t have been in the predicament I got myself into if it weren’t for wanting to get to know him better.
We can’t forget George’s fourteen-year-old daughter, Christiana, lover of horror movies and pop star perfume. She’s a girlie girl to the core. I’ll never forget her calling me a whore very loudly in a public place! I got over it.
Melanie was my perfect boss, the most organized human being I’ve ever met. I didn’t think she was human until I got to know her better and she shared some big secrets with me. She had a way of making me feel like a real slacker. I can’t line up my Post-it notes straight and, yeah, I spend a little time at work on Facebook, but if you’re on hold half the day with insurance companies, you need something to do. Right?
Stacy is the potential adoptive mom. She jangles wherever she goes because she is big on accessorizing with lots of gold stuff. She loves to wear black everything – hair, clothes, boots, and eyeliner. She might be going to the mall, but she looks ready for a 1980s rock concert.
Marty is her doting husband. He carries big wads of cash and is ready to peel off a few large bills whenever Stacy bats her eyes at him. He has hairy knuckles, but he also has adorable dimples and long dark lashes. I am sure any child of his would be spoiled rotten.
My sister Kristen doesn’t like kids, junks up her junky car with fast food wrappers, and curses a lot. I’m not sure how we came from the same parents. My main issue with her is that she only seems attracted to married men. She can’t totally help it that she meets a lot of married men who are inclined to cheat on their wives. She’s a massage therapist. She knows how to draw the line, though. Her favorite quote is, “This ain’t a Disney movie. You have to create your own happy ending.” Lol.
I haven’t included my kids or Amy’s and some other friends and family, but if you have ideas for who should play them, tell me your thoughts.
Please let me know what you think! I can’t wait to hear which actress is going to make me a star.
3 thoughts on “Who would play me in the movie version?”
Adrienne – Renee Zellweger
Drew – Vince Vaughn
Amy – Mila Kunis, simply because of the yoga pants
George – Kevin James
Christiana – Chloe Grace Moretz
Melanie – Amy Adams
Stacy – Marisa Tomei
Marty – Christian Kane
Kristen – Sarah Silverman
Kids – Any kids will do, though Bruce Willis should be the voice over for the baby
This is awesome! Mila Kunis ❤
Kevin James! That’s perfect. I would say Amy Adams for Adrienne though. Or Rosario Dawson would be awesome. Both are good at playing tough, get things done types.