It’s just a day…

Adriennes blog 13 sunrise picHi, I’m Adrienne. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting a special day to be perfect that we forget it’s just a day.

Before my ex-boss and now-friend Melanie got married, she stressed a lot about the details that go into the wedding day, sometimes to the point that she was unhappy to be planning a wedding at all.  Melanie’s a perfectionist and I’m not, but I wanted to tell her that the wedding would be great, even if a few things didn’t go as they were intended, and that the marriage that follows is way more important than the wedding day.  

We put a lot of effort into planning certain days and forget how important every day is.  I wanted to tell her to make every day with Frank a special day, and to never take marriage for granted because it’s a living thing that needs constant cultivation to survive.

My wedding day was a great day, but it wasn’t the best day of our marriage.  What a depressing thought that would be, if nothing in your marriage could top your wedding. Some of the best days of our marriage were just nothing-special days at home with the kids.  There were no pictures to capture those memories, no one to witness them, no fancy clothes to wear, but they were just as important as our wedding, if not more so.

Whether you’re preparing for your wedding or any other one of life’s milestones, remember that these may be memorable days in your life, but each one is just one of thousands of days you will have, and that every day or any day can be life-changing.  No matter what, it’s just a day.

You can enjoy Melanie’s wedding in Giving Myself Away.  Thanks for reading!


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I was a wife, but not a person

Adriennes blog 11 wedding rings picI remember being a newlywed and feeling for the first time like I had reached adulthood.  We shared money, closet space, and friends.  Where we went, what movies we watched, and even what we ate was by consensus.  I gave up my own identity, but I was glad to trade it in for “wife,” which I thought was the mature thing to do.

My engagement and wedding rings were badges I wore proudly to mark my status to the world.  “I am married!” they announced.  I marked “Mrs.” in the little online checkboxes.

As the years went on, the novelty of being “wife” wore off and was replaced by the day-to-day routines of married life.  Drew saw me with messy hair and no makeup and ugly pajamas and he loved me anyway, but I missed being “new” and having the chance to remake myself as I matured.  We didn’t talk about it, but it became apparent that he felt the same.

We gradually moved apart, each of us trying to be our separate selves within our marriage, wanting to be not just husband and wife, but man and woman.  Some people’s marriages are fluid enough to absorb the changes of its two partners as they mature over time, while others are too fragile to withstand anyone casting aside the roles that were set in stone the day they said “I do.”

The Lebanese writer and artist Kahlil Gibran said of marriage:

“…let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love;

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

Adriennes blog 11 shores pic

Drew and I got married and we got divorced.  You can read all about why we didn’t make it in Giving Myself Away.

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Available at Barnes and Noble in paperback and Nook format