Best Advice for the Newly Divorced

Adriennes blog 4 pillow pic

Hi, I’m Adrienne.  I’ve been divorced a few years, and I’m starting to come to terms with my new life.  I’d like to share with you the best advice I ever got from an acquaintance who tread the path to singledom a few years before I did.

We were at a picnic and she pulled me aside.

“How are you doing?” she asked.

“Fine,” I said, trying not to notice all the intact families around me.

“No, really, how are you doing?” she asked again.

“It’s hard,” I said, my voice cracking.

“Listen.  You need to get new sheets.”

“Really?  It makes that much of a difference?”

“Trust me.  You’ll see,” she said, before walking off to find her son and her new husband.

When I left the picnic, I asked my sister to babysit so that I could go shopping.  I held back the part of me saying “This is a waste of money and you can’t afford it anyway.”  I bought really soft, 400-thread count sheets (in a muted shade my ex hates, but I always loved) and I went home and washed them and put them on my bed fresh out of the dryer.

I washed the old sheets too and put them in a bag for Goodwill.  Goodbye to the sheets my husband and I cuddled under to plan our future and dream big before it all fell apart.  Goodbye to the sheets where our children were conceived.  Goodbye to the pillowcases I cried countless tears upon.

I slept that night between my new sheets and I slept so well.  The sheets were nicer than any other sheets I had before, but more importantly, I was refeathering my nest.  I was accepting that this is “my” bed now, not “our” bed anymore.

Everyone has advice when you’re getting married, but no one tells you how to get divorced.  What’s the best advice you ever got?

You can find out why I needed new sheets in Giving Myself Away, coming out this fall from Assent Publishing.  Thanks for reading!

Adriennes blog 4 bed pic

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When You Need a Theme Song for Your Life

Image     Hi, I’m Adrienne.  Do you ever feel like you need a theme song to keep you going?  I constantly have a playlist running through my head… songs that inspire me when I’m down, make me righteously mad when I need that strength, and tunes that make me get up and dance around the house.

When I turn on the radio, it seems like all love songs all the time, whether they’re about being happy in love or being heartbroken and alone.  Sometimes I just want a song that celebrates being single.

Here are my favorite happy-to-be-single songs.  What would you add to the list?

1.  Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo

2.  Single – Natasha Bedingfield

3.  I Don’t Need a Man – Pussycat Dolls

4.  Miss Independent – Ne-Yo

5.  Even Angels – Fantasia

You can read all about my crazy single life in Giving Myself Away, coming out this fall!

Someone has to wear the pants…

Adriennes blog 2 wedding dress pic Hi, I’m Adrienne.  I’ve been a single mom for a while now, but sometimes the reality hasn’t quite sunk in. Last night I had this dream that I’m going to marry a woman.  I feel disappointed when she tells me I have to wear a pantsuit for the wedding…  I wanted to wear the dress.

“Couldn’t we both wear a dress?”  I asked.

“No, someone has to wear the pants,” she said.

I’m often the one wearing the pants.  Who else is going to deal with the spiders and the clogged drains and the lawnmower now that there’s no man in the house?

It’s not all bad.  I realized I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could.

What do you do now that you didn’t have to before?  I’ll tell you all my favorite chores on my “Things for Which it Would be Helpful to Have a Husband” list in Giving Myself Away, my story coming out this fall.

Adriennes blog 2 wedding pantsuit pic

Why it’s great to be single

Adriennes blog 1 trash can picHi, I’m Adrienne.  I know I’m getting over this whole divorce thing because some mornings I actually wake up and feel relieved to be single.  I love to make lists.  My favorite kind of list is the one you write when you’re feeling really upbeat and motivated – the kind I fold up and tuck in a drawer to look at later on the days I’m feeling anything but upbeat.  Here’s the latest:

Things you don’t have to worry about anymore when you’re single:

  1. whether or not I snore when I sleep on my back
  2. who’s going to take out the trash (I already know it’s going to be me, so there’s no one to nag)
  3. consulting anyone else on what I decide to buy
  4. not having to share the closets or the dresser anymore
  5. ???

Help me out here… what would you add to my list that’s great about being single?  I don’t want to sound all bitter about marriage or anything, but really, we need to make the best of our situation and enjoy the good parts.

I hope you’ll want to read all about how I ended up where I am in Giving Myself Away (coming out this fall!).

Adriennes blog 1 full closet pic