I was a wife, but not a person

Adriennes blog 11 wedding rings picI remember being a newlywed and feeling for the first time like I had reached adulthood.  We shared money, closet space, and friends.  Where we went, what movies we watched, and even what we ate was by consensus.  I gave up my own identity, but I was glad to trade it in for “wife,” which I thought was the mature thing to do.

My engagement and wedding rings were badges I wore proudly to mark my status to the world.  “I am married!” they announced.  I marked “Mrs.” in the little online checkboxes.

As the years went on, the novelty of being “wife” wore off and was replaced by the day-to-day routines of married life.  Drew saw me with messy hair and no makeup and ugly pajamas and he loved me anyway, but I missed being “new” and having the chance to remake myself as I matured.  We didn’t talk about it, but it became apparent that he felt the same.

We gradually moved apart, each of us trying to be our separate selves within our marriage, wanting to be not just husband and wife, but man and woman.  Some people’s marriages are fluid enough to absorb the changes of its two partners as they mature over time, while others are too fragile to withstand anyone casting aside the roles that were set in stone the day they said “I do.”

The Lebanese writer and artist Kahlil Gibran said of marriage:

“…let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love;

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

Adriennes blog 11 shores pic

Drew and I got married and we got divorced.  You can read all about why we didn’t make it in Giving Myself Away.

Available at Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle format

Available at Barnes and Noble in paperback and Nook format

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Past my prime? I don’t think so!

Adriennes blog 10 smiling woman picHi, I’m Adrienne.  The other day my married friend Sandra said to me, “We are past our prime.  It’s all downhill from here.”  Maybe it’s easier for her to accept that because she’s married.  I had to convince myself it’s not true, even if she didn’t believe me.  My husband left me for a woman with flat abs.  She has three children and flat abs.  Sometimes life is not fair.

Okay, physically, yes, I will definitely admit my best days are behind me.  The more years I’m alive, the more time gravity has to work on me.  I’m not as fast and strong as I once was.  My knee twinges every now and then when I’m carrying the laundry upstairs.  No one’s carded me in years.  More and more people call me “ma’am.”

Mentally, I’m not as with it as I used to be.  It takes me longer to remember people’s names.  I have to write down my grocery list or I’ll forget what I’m there to buy.  I’ve started watching a movie or reading a book only to recall halfway through that I saw/read this one before.

But how about spiritually?  I think I’m still a baby spiritually.  There’s one thing you can’t get when you’re too young for it, and that’s perspective.  Only the hard knocks of life smooth off your rough edges and make you realize what’s really important.

We live in a society that values youth and beauty, but I can’t help but admire wisdom and grace.  As long as my smile lines outnumber my frown lines, I’ll be a happy woman.  The abs, well… I need to work on that.

Thanks for reading.  You can find out more about my post-married life in Giving Myself Away.

Available at Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle

Available at Barnes and Noble in paperback and Nook

Adriennes blog 10 smile pic